Look here second

Look for it in yourself first, if you cannot find it, perhaps I can help.

Why is it that I feel the most lonely when I am surrounded by people, buildings, things, and the least lonely when I am alone surrounded by nothing but the sand, ocean and sky?

My brain tells me that I am not unique, there are 6 billion people on this earth, and what each of us goes through is insignificant compared to the world. But all my inner self says is I, I, I, I. What do I want? Why does it have to happen to me? Why can't I have it also?

So many internal conflicts everyday, maybe I should share it, although when I did this before I have gotten a lot of long 'answers' that don't make any sense to me at all. But feel free to share, because everyone is different, well except for a few people who think exactly the way you do. I think with 6 billion people there has to be a few (maybe 2-3?) who think exactly the way you do. But only by sheer accident of nature+nurture+something else. But you will probably never meet those other people, so in a practical sense, you are unique.

One question I ask time and time again is: Is a person really responsible for their own actions? What about their past? The way they were brought up, their experiences? Can we honestly say that we would not have ended up the same way they did, if given their circumstances? For a simple example: If a guy robbed a bank, he would be considered a crook right? But what if he was brought up very poor, with parents that neglected to teach him wrong from right? If you grew up in the same conditions that he did, would you not have the capacity to rob a bank?

Because I so firming believed this, I could never really get mad at someone, because I attributed their behavior as some kind of residue left over from a bad childhood. But now I'm thinking that there has to be some kind of self-control, or self-realization of who you are and where you need to be. I don't think I had the best childhood by any means, (although conditions have improved as I became an adult) but I never (tried not to ) let the past determine who I am and how I behave. If there is ever a problem I always think it through and ask myself why I did this, and I learn to not make the same mistake again. There is always an internal dialogue with myself, and I always ask myself if I did the right thing. So is this something those people with problems are lacking?

That's something to think about.